Rate what you hate.

Seeing as we all have such strong opinions on films and music, i thought everyone could find the most celebrated work by a band, artist or director who you personally hate and review it objectively, saying what you genuinely liked and disliked and how it might affect your view of the artist.
Obviously spotify is going to make albums an easier target, but i thought i'd open it up to films as well.
I'll review an album by U2 in the morning to get things going.

Good idea, I'll have to open my book of hate and contemplate which to review. Should broaden our minds a little!

So is this for things that most people like but you hate? Or is it just for things we hate?

I think it's a balance of both really. In fact, my rant about Roland Emmerich the other day could provide exposition to fit into this nicely. I'll jot something up later.

things which are popular and have a definitive "best work" but which you personally hate.
hence U2, who are undeniably loved by a lot of people, but i can't stand. i'm gonna get working on finding out what their best album is in a second.
edit: you can just review something everyone hates, i think it would work fine both ways. the reviewing popular things that you hate is just the original idea i had, but do what you like.

I enjoy some U2, and their most critically acclaimed album is probably The Joshua Tree, if that helps.

WallE:

I liked the part where he has a plastic spork but doesn't know whether to place it with the plastic spoons or the plastic forks and place it between and the visuals were impressive. I hated the pacing, the characters, the premise, the fact it takes place in the future AND in space which are two pet hates as I basically hate sci-fi's except for ones that have genuine merit like Blade Runner, I hate the eco warrior message they shove down their young audience's throats, I hated the love interest and I fucking hated WallE, he doesn't even talk and I think he's a cunt. Mostly because he's a robot and if he had an asshole he's put long shiny male robot parts in it whilst planting seeds for the Earth. Fuck WallE.

Did I do it right?

lol Sean

I have an Ultraviolet review that I can put up, I assume everyone hates that! I'll have it up in 2 minutes.

Edit: Here we go

Now before I begin this review I wish to point out that I have never been able to write reviews for films before, well long, meaningful reviews anyway. When I saw Ultraviolet, however, all that changed and I knew I was capable of writing pages upon pages about this film. Fortunately though I won’t write too much.

I had only ever seen an advert for Ultraviolet in a magazine but I didn’t think much of it so I never went out to go and watch it. The reason I ended up watching it was because me and my mates wanted to watch a film. My first mate wanted to watch something that none of us had watched before and I wanted to watch something with a lot of action (I was in an action mood). I decided that I wanted to watch Kill Bill but we had all watched that before so my mate disagreed. The third mate (We were in his house) pulled out some random DVDs and ended up with The Mummy, something with Johnny Depp, some random film and of course Ultraviolet. I gathered from the cover that it would be watchable at least. A decent looking, scantily clad woman (Mila Jovovitch) with a sword has to be at least watchable. How very wrong was I...

Ultraviolet starts off with what appears to be giant pinball’s flying from a tower over a giant city. This seems a bit random but it did make me want to find out what happened. The “pinball’s” smashed through a window into a building which about four scientists were in (four “pinball’s” by the way). The scientists, who were all in a line beside each other, turned around to see just what had happened. At this point I was thinking that he was going to get crushed by a giant pinball but I was wrong. Halfway down the room the “pinball’s” turned into ninjas who then simultaneously stabbed a scientist. Then they put their sword back in the holder’s one after the other. After that they went into a room and got shot and died. The film opened up with pinball ninjas, which was completely awesome, but sadly as soon as those ninjas died so did the hopes of Ultraviolet. It may have had a good first two minutes but everything after this was complete and utter crap.

What was it that made Ultraviolet crap though? Well for starters it had a very annoying little boy in it and we all know that the only person who can pull of having children as a main character in a live action film is James Cameron (Aliens, Terminator 2: Judgement Day). This little annoying boy decides the ignore people and not talk for no reason whatsoever. At one point he stands on the edge of a railing on a giant fucking building. Do you want to know why? Well I fucking don’t know and I don’t even think the guys that made the film do. Like everything in Ultraviolet, this makes no sense.

The little boy isn’t the only bad character though, they are all bad. There is not a single connection with any of these wooden characters. I can’t even remember any of their names; let alone what they added to the film. The villain in it is pathetic too. He does something which involves the terrible plot (It’s so bad I don’t want to remember) while having two pieces of metal shoved up his damn nose. He also enjoys drinking coffee out of a packet that has been sealed about twenty times and guess what he drinks it with? A cup which has also been sealed. This guy is paranoid that he might catch germs and get aids or become a vampire or something.

You are probably thinking that this film was not supposed to have a good story or have good characters but when watching the film it is extremely apparent that the person who made it tried to make a good, complicated plot but it fell straight on its arse. By default the film is left to rely on the action. Let’s talk about the action then. It’s pretty crap to be honest. No matter what the situation is the same thing will happen. At one point about fifteen guards run about to the women and aim a gun at her head. Then five minutes later, in which time they could have blew the woman’s head off, she pulls out a sword and with one slash all the guards fall down dead. Everybody in this film is a fucking whack job. Everybody will run up to her so she can then stab them. In one case some guy had a gun and decides to run right up to her and then aim and try to shoot. Seriously, where do these guys come from? At least there is lots of gore though, eh? Nope hardly anything. Good special effects? No chance, they are terrible. Everything in the film looks fake.

And now for the best part of the review. Do you know how in all of the really cheesy film they will have a dream about going to a really happy place and be at peace from their troubles? Well Ultraviolet took that idea and multiplied it by ten. There is a scene where the women and the little boy go on a roundabout in a play park which is filled with bright green grass and brightly coloured swing. Oh it couldn’t be happier! (Well it could really; nearly anything is happier than watching this crap) Of course it turns out that it wasn’t a dream. Yes, that’s right in the middle of getting attacked by an entire army they decide to go to a fucking park and play on a fucking roundabout.

So to sum this up, don’t watch it ever. Not even with a bunch of mates so you can laugh at how bad it is because after it you will realise how terrible the entire film is, the plot, the characters, the action, the acting and everything else.

Can we be sarcastic?

Linkin Park are my favourite band. Not only are they constantly changing their style, going from pop rap metal to diluted pop rock at will, but the lyrics are deep and meaningful. They really resonate with me, you know?

CRRRAAAWLING IIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIN / THESE WOOOOUUNDS THEY WIIILL NOT HEEEAAAAL

That's exactly how I felt when the girl I used to stare at across the classroom went off with the jock. I cried so much my makeup smeared on my face. They're so rock as well, really heavy shit.

I love Linkin Park.

I see what you did there.
You lose points for Linkin Park actually being very listenable.

The Joshua Tree.

OK, I spent an entire day listening to this album, and fuck it. Seriously, fuck this album. My opinion of U2 has changed slightly, I won't deny it, but overall, no. Stop it, U2. Shut up and go to bed.
The good points. Obviously With or Without You, I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For and to a degree Where The Streets Have No Name are classic tracks, and although i would have criticised them before, revisiting these tracks after a few years has been very kind to them.
But the rest of the album. Oh dear. In my opinion, great bands write albums that are great all the way through, tracks carefully selected and placed in an order that best compliments them. U2 blow their load all over the first 12 minutes and the rest of the album plods along with more of the same reverberated guitar, unremarkable bass and in the case of some songs chorus melodies that almost perfectly mirror other U2 songs. So while U2 are capable of great songs that I do kinda like, they are by no means in my opinion a great band. I give this album a No out of 5.

I'm not a U2 fan either. They just don't make me feel anything.
UNLIKE MY STEP UNCLE!
Nahh. Nahh.

Nic Cage. The guy is a complete tosser. Obviously basing my perception of his real life personality on the brief times seeing him on screen and the fact that no one seems to understand how crap he is.

To say his acting is wooden is such an understatement. He has 2 facial expressions (the goofy half smile, and the expressionless blank canvas of a face that fills 99% of his films. How he can play a disturbed paramedic, wrongly accused cop and a car thief in exactly the same way is beyond me. I wouldn't even mind if he was a bad actor, I might even sympathise if ppl stopped paying him millions to be an emotionless twat.

Its got to the point where I have to think twice about watching a film he is in. I am even having second thoughts about listening to his monotone drivel in G-Force, but at least I wont have to look at his turd face.

If he didn't have connections, would he really have got anywhere in the industry? I can't imagine him 'winning' any auditions. Unless he was auditioning for the part of the tree in his kids school play.

(Just think how good Con Air could have been with someone else in his role)

I hate him too!

Wild at Heart and Raising Arizona.

"I love you too, hummingburd"
that line had no feeling in it whatsoever.